The Secret Blog of Patrick “Patos” Manning

• Ppl who consider my trip to DR w/ my pacemaker/bad kidney self an asinine move don't know I used to be in scouts http://bit.ly/4pb1GX #Haiti #
• @izatrini Actually it wasn't scouts, it was cadets. in reply to izatrini #

• When I first heard about the Small Arms Survey I thought it had something to do with Gary Hunt's and Colm Imbert's limbs. #trinidad #
• @madchinee Have you ever seen either of the aforementioned gentlemen? in reply to madchinee #
• @therealjovan You're not supposed to pound headphones, you're supposed to put them on your ears! in reply to therealjovan #
• @De_real_dwears This tune sounds interesting. Where can I hear it?? in reply to De_real_dwears #
• @anthonycbis Bas is on Twitter (@basdeopanday) but hasn't tweeted in a while. He must be busy with other things. in reply to anthonycbis #
• @eddieanne I don't do pretty mas. I'm playing fancy sailor. My headpiece is a model of NAPA, complete w/ dancing fountains! in reply to eddieanne #

• When I first heard about the Small Arms Survey I thought it had something to do with Gary Hunt's and Colm Imbert's limbs. #trinidad #
• @madchinee Have you ever seen either of the aforementioned gentlemen? in reply to madchinee #
• @therealjovan You're not supposed to pound headphones, you're supposed to put them on your ears! in reply to therealjovan #
• @De_real_dwears This tune sounds interesting. Where can I hear it?? in reply to De_real_dwears #
• @anthonycbis Bas is on Twitter (@basdeopanday) but hasn't tweeted in a while. He must be busy with other things. in reply to anthonycbis #
• @eddieanne I don't do pretty mas. I'm playing fancy sailor. My headpiece is a model of NAPA, complete w/ dancing fountains! in reply to eddieanne #

• First she flies BA, now she's using public transport! May have to take symbolic ride in a red-band maxi soon… http://bit.ly/8iKApd #
• All the more reason to fly private http://bit.ly/8SF7RC #

• First she flies BA, now she's using public transport! May have to take symbolic ride in a red-band maxi soon… http://bit.ly/8iKApd #
• All the more reason to fly private http://bit.ly/8SF7RC #

• @nplaughlin – @georgiap is right. Alice Yard should leave the retail business to Syrians and Indians http://bit.ly/4p7owf in reply to nplaughlin #
• @SanMan_ish Is that what passes for luxury apts in Chaguanas?? Looks more like a cheap motel to me. in reply to SanMan_ish #
• Xmas shopping in Copenhagen. Got Danish butter cookies for most, except Imbert & Gary Hunt who get first editions of Andersen's "Thumbelina" #

• Suffering from post-Summit withdrawal. Thinking of throwing a costume party where guests come dressed as foreign dignitaries. #
• @therealjovan Will do it if you promise to charter a Liat aircraft and pretend it's Air Force One. in reply to therealjovan #
• There are many days when I wish I were Obama, but today isn't one of them. #
• RT @georgiap: So confused abt mixed signals re: breathalyser laws that I'm unable to drive in a straight line http://bit.ly/4H5PXw #trinidad #
• Now Imbert is saying breathalyser testing begins on Christmas Eve. Need to make sure my chauffeur's available that night. #trinidad #

• Itching to ask the Queen what it's like to fly on a commercial airline instead of a private jet, like moi. #chogm #
• @blahblohblog I sure was. Check 'em out – http://twitpic.com/r6ika in reply to blahblohblog #
• Prince Philip's inner thoughts on landing in T&T? #chogm http://twitpic.com/r6kwq #
• My cup runneth over http://www.trinidadexpress.com/shared/images/2009/11/29/n1.jpg #
• Frankly, I'm more excited about the oppty to buy Danish butter cookies at a discount than climate talks http://bit.ly/5KSGBo #

• @afrobella @gwto Express & TMZ are so lame. I wrote about this ages ago & still had time to open a performing arts ctr http://bit.ly/3fjjAr in reply to afrobella #
• @hassanvoyeau What if that stranger was a terrorist seeking to use his online presence for evil? #

• A performing (white) elephant? Interesting idea. RT @nplaughlin: Trinidad & Tobago: Will The Perf Arts Centre Perform?: http://bit.ly/4stNso #
• @nplaughlin You implying that gov't ministers pad medical bills, submit fake ones & undergo unnecessary medical procedures at gov't expense? in reply to nplaughlin #
• Thank God I have a chauffeur! RT @TrinbagoNews: Breathalyser law targeting drivers finally takes effect on Monday
  http://tinyurl.com/yamxxet #
• For once and for all, the group is called "Divine *Echoes*", not "Divine *Egos*"! #
• Today is Friday the 13th. So that explains it. #

• Maybe they 'fraid me? RT @nplaughlin: Why doesn't TnT Times name its editors or proprietors on the site?: http://tnttimes.com/golive/ #
• @judettepuglisi @nplaughlin is right! Obviously these people have something to hide. Like most journalists in this country, I should add. in reply to nplaughlin #
• @georgiap I'm wondering whether anybody has questioned Rowley about these homicides. It's just a hop, skip & a jump from bullying to murder. in reply to georgiap #
• @anilroberts I know recycling is the way forward, but still rather saddened that your first tweet to me wasn't sth you composed yourself. in reply to anilroberts #
• @blahblohblog Unfortunately the T&T dailies are run by people both more unscrupulous & more wealthy than Patos. I 'fraid I lose. in reply to blahblohblog #
• Preparing for tomorrow's meeting with @basdeopanday. First order of business: lock the liquor cabinet, and tight. #
• @georgiap This could be arranged, you know. As they say, ALL publicity is good. http://bit.ly/2QLjzx in reply to georgiap #
• @izatrini I don't mind packing. But it's different when you travel on a private jet. in reply to izatrini #
• @tillahwillah The security guard there is a cousin of a cousin of somebody that used to work at the diplomatic centre. What you need? in reply to tillahwillah #
• Not in the mood to tweet today. #
• Not naming names, but some of my Twitter and Facebook friends really need to get a life. #
• OK. So I'm having a bad day. You would too if you were as under-appreciated as I am. #
• @blahblohblog I would, but Twitter only has room for 140 characters. in reply to blahblohblog #
• @rachelrampersad People need to stop trying to live beyond their means. Not everybody needs a life like mine, or a flag like Gary Hunt's. in reply to rachelrampersad #
• @anniepaul Thanks for giving me yet another reason to mistrust Hindus. in reply to anniepaul #
• My latest blog post: "Sex, lies and none of your damn business" http://bit.ly/3fjjAr #

Just received a phone call from a person whose identity is none of your damn business, expressing concern over a series of sex videos featuring a local celebrity currently circulating on the Internet. I told the caller that while I am local and a celebrity of sorts, it was not likely that the videos featured either me, or the caller, or both of us, for that matter, or even a third party.

Just to be 100% certain, however, after I hung up, I checked both my computer and my Blackberry to make sure that there was nothing on either device that could be construed as even vaguely incriminating. Also checked the vault where I keep my stash of DVDs, and was pleased to find that all 23 discs were still there.

I also made a few phone calls around ministerial circles to see if anyone could verify the identities of the persons featured in the actual set of videos. The most enthusiastic response came from Mariano Browne, who provided an unsolicited blow-by-blow account of two of the films and invited me to an after-work screening of the entire series that he was hosting in the Ministry of Trade and Industry conference room. When I told him that I did not consider this to be an appropriate use of government premises he told me I could stick Gary Hunt’s $2m flagpole up where the sun don’t shine, or something to that effect. It’s a real shame Mariano knows some of the things he knows, or I’d have fired him on the spot.

The most disturbing aspect of the situation, however, is the manner in which I’m hearing this horrific breach of privacy took place. If it is true that the person featured in the videos sent his/her computer to a certain enterprise on Mucurapo Road for repairs, and if an employee of said company copied the videos, then I’m hoping the computer’s owner is going to slap a big lawsuit on the company and initiate a boycott of its services. Nor is a certain computer giant in Cupertino, California going to be happy to hear that its T&T reseller is at the centre of such a scandal.

While I am always careful either to erase from my hard drive or to copy to DVD most content I believe could be potentially incriminating (including any document containing the keywords “calder” and “hart”), at any given time, my GMail account harbours hundreds of harmless e-mails containing information of a sensitive nature, including messages where I respond “LOL” to comments about Colm Imbert and Gary Hunt’s Napoleon complexes, Jack Warner’s speech impediment or anything involving Panday.

It gives me chills to think that some idle geek in a computer company could copy these things and spread them around, thereby damaging the good relationships I enjoy with all of these people.

• Keith Rowley: "Be afraid. Be *very* afraid". #rowleythebullymoviequotes #trinidad #
• Read my latest blog post: "Rowley's wicked, wicked ways" http://bit.ly/usBmy #
• Honestly, I thought *everybody* travelled by private jet. Now that I know otherwise, I'll mend my ways. #
• Anyone care to submit suggestions for my Fake World Leaders Twitter list? Thus far it's dominated by fake Mugabes http://bit.ly/1ixIbf #
• Ppl who complain abt cost of nat'l flags & private jets aren't living in the real world. Or at least in my version of it http://bit.ly/tm1bZ #
• Worried that this national flag nonsense is distracting people from reading my blog… http://ttblogs.com/patrickmanning/ #
• @georgiap @Trinibeat @navinparray Ever occurred to you that this might be the only skill many Trinis possess? Except yours truly, of course. in reply to georgiap #
• Band of trick-or-treaters just left mansion. Couldn't figure out if the one with stocking on his head was supposed to be Dr Evil or Rowley. #
• "…under the benign gaze of the party’s political leader, PM Patrick Manning"? Even I know that's not good journalism http://bit.ly/V2R4G #

Keith Rowley: Dr. Evil (used without the permission of the Trinidad Guardian)

The outpouring of public support in the wake of my unveiling, last week, of Rowley’s bullying ways, has been truly heartwarming. It appears that I am not the only person on whose a** the man has got medieval over the years, and the votes of confidence have far outweighed attempts by the COP, Ramjack and others to paint me as a macommere man.

Rowley, it has been revealed, was a scourge even within my own cabinet. Colm Imbert recounted tearfully how he was forced to undergo painful surgery to repair damage sustained to his coccyx due to the wedgies the bald-headed scoundrel inflicted repeatedly upon him in the men’s room during cabinet meeting breaks.

Female cabinet ministers, including Karen Nunez-Tesheira, Marlene McDonald and my own wife Hazel, shared almost identical stories about Rowley cornering them and invading their personal space on the pretext of engaging them in conversation about government matters, only to discover their nether regions brightly reflected in the man’s preternaturally shiny shoes.

I also had a phone call from the tea lady at the Red House, who says she caught Rowley on more than one occasion attempting to lace the tea-time pone–my sweet of choice, as my readers know–with potent laxatives.

Even more telling was the testimony from the sister isle, where the depraved individual was born and spent his formative years. Statements from fellow schoolmates tell the story of a long history of torment at the hands of the young Rowley, whose list of transgressions include:

• theft of pocket money during recess
• pulling down of fellow students’ pants/lifting of fellow students’ skirts
• pinching and ear-twisting
• disrupting jump rope sessions and games of moral, hopscotch and elastic, also clapping games
• rigging of egg-and-spoon and sack races at sports day
• upsetting a bran tub at a church harvest when the tub didn’t yield a toy that was to his liking
• breaking up a game of musical chairs and attacking the person operating the gramophone for stopping the music at the wrong time
• pinning the tail on the birthday boy, instead of the donkey
• giving ultra-hard bokees during marbles matches
• cutting the flesh of fellow students with zwills
• inflicting third-degree burns on fellow students with donkey eyes
• slicing of other people’s kite strings with razor blades and ground glass
• staining of fellow students clothing with chennette and pommerac juice
• singing obscene lyrics at a schools’ speech band competition
• praedial larceny
• theft of coral from Buccoo Reef
• bribing of a referee during the 1973 Intercol season
• spearheading the great pacro water scam of ‘74

And those are just the ones I can print without being charged with libel, or, as Rowley would probably consider it, reputation enhancement.

• Hope everyone appreciates my citing of that great political theorist, Mario Puzo http://bit.ly/1VAhxm #